Washington DC – It is traditional for public servants to take their oath of office on The Bible or The Constitution, Donald Trump is expected to break with this by being sworn in on his own book – The Art of the Deal. This bold move is likely to anger conservatives and millennials alike.
Dean Bloop, staunch conservative and Senior USNews.today Political Correspondent says “This move breaks away with a long established tradition and will likely trigger the rapture almost immediately. Assuming the rapture is not immediate, what else is Trump likely to change – paint the WhiteHouse Gold, turn the Washington Monument into a Private Closet for Melania or Shorten the height of the Washington Monument to compensate for his [redacted]. We just cannot tell with this guy.”
MiMi Wildflower, head of Gender Studies and Social Justice at the University of California would not provide a statement. She was whisked away by her assistant in tears to her safe space trailer to watch videos of frolicking puppies – This was before the news of Trump’s change was announced. She could be heard muttering “is this really happening, is this really happening, is this really happening, is this really happening, is this really happening …”.