Scientists Discover UART Port on the Human Brain with Access to a Root Console

Scientists Discover UART Port on the Human Brain with Access to a Root Console

Medical 2 Comments 237

Montgomery, Al – Scientists at the University of Human Gender Studies have made a discovery that has the potential to change the fundimental way we understand human behavior. These scientists have come across a hidden port located behind the left ear of a patient – upon further testing it was determined that this port is a diagnostic port that exposes access a root console via UART.

This hidden port will allow computer scientists to have full access to the diagnostic data stored on the human brain including full access to the sleep logs.

National Security Specialist – Rudy Giuliani warns that this port can be used by malicious attackers to gain access to sensitive thoughts and memories. He advises that all humans work to install a telnet service to block connection requests. “Humans should set a strong password such as ‘password’ on their internal tenet system to prevent abuse. Humans should also wear ear muffs to prevent physical access while sleeping” said Giuliani in an interview with Staff.

Perhaps the ones most excited for this news are doctors. Doctors will, for the first time, now have access to install powerful anti-virus applications directly to a person’s brain without the need for ineffective pills and medicine. Dr Jack Kevorkian is excited for the new developments in ransomware that this discovery could open the door to.

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Ronald Dump

Ronald Dump has made TREMENDOUS contributions to USNews.Today since joining us in January of 2016. He is GREAT especially since Mexico is paying his salary.


  1. Odam Autler January 18, 2017 at 2:38 am

    At first I was startled. Then I realized it was possible to tap into this resource. I killed the unwanted “Walk into a room and forget why you’re there” process and I gave higher priority to the main worker threads. Giuliani’s warning about a telnet process with password is important. i chose to use SSH for the higher level of encryption. Sure it makes you forgetful and wastes resources on input, but it’s worth it for security.

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